A Libertarian Night Before Christmas

Time for some holiday spirit. Last year, our night-before-Christmas story featured a very happy story about the benefits of deregulating air cargo. In 2011, Larry the Cable Guy read a politically correct version of the night-before-Christmas story.

This year, we have Ted Cruz’s rendition of the night before Christmas story.

Needless to say, I especially enjoy the digs at ObamaCare and Lois Lerner.

And it goes without saying (but I’ll say it anyway) that I’m one of the few people who defend government shutdowns (indeed, as Jay Leno famously joked, the real problem is when it re-opens!).

But let’s not get distracted by real policy issues.

So to rekindle the spirit of the season, let’s share an adaptation of the night before Christmas classic from Merrill Matthews of the Institute for Policy Innovation.

‘Twas the week before Christmas, when all through the House,

All the liberals were stirring, while conservatives groused.

The wish lists were hung on the approps bill with care,

In hopes that Obama would bless it with flair.

The Members were nestled all smug in their heads,

While visions of donors danced in their heads.

As Ryan the new Chief, and Nancy the shill,

Agreed they would stick us with a huge spending bill.

They went to the House floor with most in cahoots,

One trillion and more and tax breaks to boot.

It took some arm-twisting to get enough votes,

While hapless taxpayers must carry the note.

Then on the House floor there came so much chatter,

That Members looked up to see what was the matter.

Away to their cell phones they flew like a flash,

To make sure their pet projects hadn’t been slashed.

They spoke not a word, but went straight to their work,

To pass all the goodies, while big-spenders smirked.

And laying restraint aside for the time,

Said let’s spend some money, put it all on the line.

Now, Ryan!, Now, Nancy!, Now, Hoyer and all;

On, Schumer!  On, Harry!  Cried Mitchell, “roll call.”

To the front of the room, and let gavel fall,

Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!

Their eyes—how they twinkled!  Their dimples how merry!

Their cheeks were like roses, from wine and the sherry!

They all slapped their backs and most had a smile,

Though taxpayers will feel the pain for a while.

But some raised a ruckus and said it’s not right,

“We promised the voters that we would be tight.”

“Who cares?” came the answer, “It’s Christmas, don’t fear,

We’ll just tell the voters we’ll do better next year.”

Then they sprang to their limos, with drivers inside,

And away they all flew, all filled up with pride.

And I heard them exclaim as they drove out of sight,

Happy Christmas to all, we spent trillions tonight!

In the interest of fairness, let’s also share the Bernie Sanders’s version of the story.

Of course, that’s not where the story really ends. The cartoon needs a few more frames to commemorate the 100 million-plus people butchered by communism.